It wasn't the first time that I had woken up in either a police station or a juvenile facility, but this was the real deal. I was in a small cell with very bright lights and it was just big enough to fit a cot against the one wall with a metal toilet and mirror on the other side and a very small ledge that you could sit at and write a letter on or read a book at.
I remember the lights coming on early in the morning and that's how they woke you up everyday. I guess it beat the detention center I had spent close to a month in down in Virginia the year before. There they never turned the lights out, they said it was easier to make sure you hadn't escaped that way.(who needs sleep)
I remember that first morning waking up to the bright lights, it took a few minutes for reality to set in. There were many mornings I woke up trying to remember the events of the night before, but this time was different. Even though many of the details were sketchy, I knew I was in big trouble, that I had really messed up this time.
Finally a guard came and spoke to me through the small opening in the cell door. There was a window in the door with wire running through it so I could see out into the control area. I knew I was in a special place in the prison because there was this huge round room with lots of plate glass windows and it was full of guards. I think from this spot they could control the whole facility.
Anyhow the guard told me that when he left the area that they were going to open my door and that my breakfast was waiting for me on a table out there. They were acting like I was some kind of a wacko that was going to try and take out the guard (I guess after all I was there for going on a shooting spree) it was taking a little while to sink in.
So this guard left the front of my cell and an outer electronic door opened, I'll never forget the sounds of those doors opening and closing. Once he was outside, then my door opened and I was able to walk out into a room that was a little larger than my cell with a table and one chair that you could set at and eat.
This happened three times a day, breakfast, lunch and supper and the rest of the time you were in your cell. I later found out that I was in a special section of the prison for two reasons, first was the fact that I was still 17 and couldn't be put into general population and secondly because of the severity of my crimes.
I don't remember for sure how long I was there, I 'm pretty certain it was just under two weeks. I know they only let me out to shower once and I got out once for a visit with the pastor from a church that I attended with my grandparents as a kid and my mom came once after she got out of the hospital. You see my stupid acts gave her heart issues that night and she was in the hospital for a day or two. I got to look at her through a pain of glass and listen to her cry for the entire time she visited over a telephone. She just kept asking me over and over again, why did you do it? Why did you do it?
After my stay there they moved me to a juvenile detention center until my trial came up. This place was much more forgiving and it didn't take long before I was taking for granted what I had done and I was already learning how to work the system.
About Me
- Jim Bull Talks
- Welcome to my blog - My name is Jim Bull and I share this information with you in the hopes of helping you or a friend or family member in some way. Here you'll find motivational material, my views of life and some background info from my past. I help others live the life they've always wanted through the sharing of information regarding all areas of life.Please let me know how I can help you. Ezekiel 36:26
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
It May Be Another Night I'll Never Forget
Well here I sit, just waiting. Twenty years ago tonight I was in the same position, only I was waiting for my first child to be born. Here I am tonight, still at home but betting I will be at the hospital a little later, this time waiting for my first grandchild to be born.
It was a little crazy at some points today, my young daughter is having her first child and at one point we had a very scary episode. But all is well, the girls are now counting the minutes between the contractions and I'm just waiting.
How cool could it be to have my son and a grandson born on the same day? Only time will tell. So tune back in tomorrow and we'll all know the results.
It was a little crazy at some points today, my young daughter is having her first child and at one point we had a very scary episode. But all is well, the girls are now counting the minutes between the contractions and I'm just waiting.
How cool could it be to have my son and a grandson born on the same day? Only time will tell. So tune back in tomorrow and we'll all know the results.
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Night I'll Never Forget
There is one night from my teenage years that I will always remember. And to be honest there are many parts about the evening that my mind must have blocked out. I do remember the outcome but much of it is still hearsay to me because I don't remember witnessing it and I have never met the victims. I didn't remember the events the day after it happened and I don't remember them to this day. Maybe it's Gods way of sparing me the unnecessary replays that would occur in my memory. Maybe your brain takes over to protect your heart or maybe it's just denial. Maybe it was just all of the drugs and alcohol that were in my system that night . Either way they proved it all in a court of law so here you go.
I don't remember what night of the week it was, I do know it was cold out and it was sometime in February I believe. My father was back in the hospital again from complications from drinking too much his entire life and I do know it was just a few months after I had quit school. I had been spending a lot of time with a certain friend of mine and we had been reading a lot from this Satanic Bible that I had found at a bookstore in the mall.
I remember going over to his house that night around 6:00 and there was another kid there who was only 14. I was 17 and this other guy had just turned 18. We had picked up some more grain alcohol for the night and that stuff would put you right over the top. It was 190 proof and would just warp your brain. On top of that my buddy had some pills that we took and I couldn't tell you what they were. This guy had a steady supply of this stuff and about all you could ever get out of him was, just take them, you'll like it. We were also smoking pot all night and we were reading from this book.
Our dream was to have power over people, power to get what we wanted without having to work for it or pay for it. We believed that if we did the things the book said to do that we could have whatever we wanted. I don't remember what we read that night or what we actually set out to do.
What I do remember is going to my parents house and taking two hunting rifles and a shotgun out of the gun cabinet and hitting the road with my friends in my 1969 GTO. My mom woke up that night and she tried to stop me, she tried to talk some sense into me but I just pushed her aside and told her not to worry about what I was doing.
I only remember bits and pieces from that night. They pieced most of it together for me in a series of trials that found me guilty on two counts each of reckless endangerment, aggravated assault and accomplice to attempted homicide.Attorneys didn't want to represent me because they all thought I was lying about not remembering the events of the night. Finally my parents were able to find someone to take the case and I think my grandparents paid the attorney fee's because it was so much money.
The main elements I remember from that night were my friends telling me to go, I remember being chased by the police for hours and losing them several times. I remember telling my buddy to blast the car in front of us, which he did because they had pulled out if front of my prized GTO. I remember being face down in the middle of the road with lots of police cruisers surrounding me and seeing my buddy laying on his back in a police car trying to kick the rear windows out.
I remember the police telling me later that I was a good driver and I also remember the police taking my mom to the hospital with heart problems because of what I had done that night.
I don't remember the man getting shot that was sitting in his van trying to defrost the ice off his windshield so he could begin his delivery route. I remember leaving the parking lot and the police chase beginning just a short time later. I remember dropping off one of the kids to stash the guns in the woods and I do remember picking him back up with the guns because we thought the coast was clear. I also remember taking the shots at the girl in the car ahead of us, but she didn't get hit.
I do remember spending over a year locked up for my crimes, I do remember the fact that the 18 year old spent eight years locked up because of what we did. You see he was an adult and I wasn't and that made the differences in our sentences.
I do believe God was with us that night no matter how terrible that sounds. You see God kept the bullets far enough away from the mans heart so he didn't die and God kept the lady leaning just a bit to the left so two bullets didn't enter the back of her head. I do know that the events we set in motion that night came from doing and believing the wrong things and I also believe that God intervened to keep us all around to do better things.
Believe what you want, but just for a moment imagine that there is something bigger out there than us all. Imagine that good can come from bad and imagine that God uses us all in different ways at different times for different reasons. I meet so many people that say if there was a God he wouldn't let things like that happen. I can bet that some of the people we hurt that night could maybe feel that way or maybe their family members while they were laying in the hospital trying to recover. I know it drives me crazy sometimes too because I don't understand why things happen or what the reasons may be. I can say just keep the faith and life can and will be good because trust me, the spree wasn't over yet.
I don't remember what night of the week it was, I do know it was cold out and it was sometime in February I believe. My father was back in the hospital again from complications from drinking too much his entire life and I do know it was just a few months after I had quit school. I had been spending a lot of time with a certain friend of mine and we had been reading a lot from this Satanic Bible that I had found at a bookstore in the mall.
I remember going over to his house that night around 6:00 and there was another kid there who was only 14. I was 17 and this other guy had just turned 18. We had picked up some more grain alcohol for the night and that stuff would put you right over the top. It was 190 proof and would just warp your brain. On top of that my buddy had some pills that we took and I couldn't tell you what they were. This guy had a steady supply of this stuff and about all you could ever get out of him was, just take them, you'll like it. We were also smoking pot all night and we were reading from this book.
Our dream was to have power over people, power to get what we wanted without having to work for it or pay for it. We believed that if we did the things the book said to do that we could have whatever we wanted. I don't remember what we read that night or what we actually set out to do.
What I do remember is going to my parents house and taking two hunting rifles and a shotgun out of the gun cabinet and hitting the road with my friends in my 1969 GTO. My mom woke up that night and she tried to stop me, she tried to talk some sense into me but I just pushed her aside and told her not to worry about what I was doing.
I only remember bits and pieces from that night. They pieced most of it together for me in a series of trials that found me guilty on two counts each of reckless endangerment, aggravated assault and accomplice to attempted homicide.Attorneys didn't want to represent me because they all thought I was lying about not remembering the events of the night. Finally my parents were able to find someone to take the case and I think my grandparents paid the attorney fee's because it was so much money.
The main elements I remember from that night were my friends telling me to go, I remember being chased by the police for hours and losing them several times. I remember telling my buddy to blast the car in front of us, which he did because they had pulled out if front of my prized GTO. I remember being face down in the middle of the road with lots of police cruisers surrounding me and seeing my buddy laying on his back in a police car trying to kick the rear windows out.
I remember the police telling me later that I was a good driver and I also remember the police taking my mom to the hospital with heart problems because of what I had done that night.
I don't remember the man getting shot that was sitting in his van trying to defrost the ice off his windshield so he could begin his delivery route. I remember leaving the parking lot and the police chase beginning just a short time later. I remember dropping off one of the kids to stash the guns in the woods and I do remember picking him back up with the guns because we thought the coast was clear. I also remember taking the shots at the girl in the car ahead of us, but she didn't get hit.
I do remember spending over a year locked up for my crimes, I do remember the fact that the 18 year old spent eight years locked up because of what we did. You see he was an adult and I wasn't and that made the differences in our sentences.
I do believe God was with us that night no matter how terrible that sounds. You see God kept the bullets far enough away from the mans heart so he didn't die and God kept the lady leaning just a bit to the left so two bullets didn't enter the back of her head. I do know that the events we set in motion that night came from doing and believing the wrong things and I also believe that God intervened to keep us all around to do better things.
Believe what you want, but just for a moment imagine that there is something bigger out there than us all. Imagine that good can come from bad and imagine that God uses us all in different ways at different times for different reasons. I meet so many people that say if there was a God he wouldn't let things like that happen. I can bet that some of the people we hurt that night could maybe feel that way or maybe their family members while they were laying in the hospital trying to recover. I know it drives me crazy sometimes too because I don't understand why things happen or what the reasons may be. I can say just keep the faith and life can and will be good because trust me, the spree wasn't over yet.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
What Year Did That Happen
As I reflect on these writings I struggle to remember many of the facts and dates when events actually occurred. I do know up until the summer I turned 17 there was a whole lot of partying going on. There were so many mornings that I didn't have a clue about what happened the night before. I still to this day don't remember many nights of my youth due to excessive drug and hard alcohol use. It actually scares the crap out of me because of the things that I do remember that we did, who knows what else might have gone down.
By this time I had run away from home twice, and I'm not talking about the temper tantrum scenario where you want to prove a point to your mom and dad because they didn't buy you the new stereo you wanted. I'm talking about stealing vehicles and heading for the border. About selling stolen goods to family members to raise money for the trips. About wishing that I'd never see my family again. That's how clouded my judgement was from the drug use.
Both times I ended up in juvenile detention in other states which caused lots of problems for not only my family but for some of the others that were involved. It was my first time being locked up and it scared the crap out of me at first, unfortunately it didn't take long to fit into that scene too.
I ended up back in PA and as fall came along my parents made me go back to school. I really didn't want to do that so I continued hooking class. My parents even began driving me to school to make sure I would go. Many days they would drop me off in front of school and five minutes later I would walk out the back door and go about my business for the rest of the day. PA had a law then that you couldn't quit school before you were 18 without a full time job, of course I didn't want one of those either.
I finally convinced my parents to let me tell my guidance counselor that I would be going to live with my Grandparents in Maryland and that I would be attending school there. It was November of my 11th grade year and it would be the last time I would ever set foot in a high school classroom.
I did however manage to get my GED diploma before my class would graduate. I was able to take the test and pass while I was locked up in a court appointed drug rehab on attempted homicide charges less than one year later.
By this time I had run away from home twice, and I'm not talking about the temper tantrum scenario where you want to prove a point to your mom and dad because they didn't buy you the new stereo you wanted. I'm talking about stealing vehicles and heading for the border. About selling stolen goods to family members to raise money for the trips. About wishing that I'd never see my family again. That's how clouded my judgement was from the drug use.
Both times I ended up in juvenile detention in other states which caused lots of problems for not only my family but for some of the others that were involved. It was my first time being locked up and it scared the crap out of me at first, unfortunately it didn't take long to fit into that scene too.
I ended up back in PA and as fall came along my parents made me go back to school. I really didn't want to do that so I continued hooking class. My parents even began driving me to school to make sure I would go. Many days they would drop me off in front of school and five minutes later I would walk out the back door and go about my business for the rest of the day. PA had a law then that you couldn't quit school before you were 18 without a full time job, of course I didn't want one of those either.
I finally convinced my parents to let me tell my guidance counselor that I would be going to live with my Grandparents in Maryland and that I would be attending school there. It was November of my 11th grade year and it would be the last time I would ever set foot in a high school classroom.
I did however manage to get my GED diploma before my class would graduate. I was able to take the test and pass while I was locked up in a court appointed drug rehab on attempted homicide charges less than one year later.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Big 16
The next milestone on the way through life is getting to 16. That means the drivers license, more freedom, the open road and more opportunities to either do the right thing or the wrong thing. For me it meant another new school and meeting more new people.
I had pretty much blown all opportunities at my home school. I was really into smoking pot and hooking out of class. The pot made me lazy and I just wasn't into the learning, I had become a juvenile delinquent, always fighting with my parents and teachers, thinking I knew what was best for myself and getting into trouble with the law was starting to become a habit. It was stupid things like underage drinking and driving violations, but the pattern had begun.
I had decided to attend school at Vo Tech because I heard you could get away with more there. You only had to spend half the time in general education classes and the rest of the time was spent in shop. It sounded like a plan to me, I had also heard that it was easier to score the good drugs there.
I know the last part of that statement was certainly true. By the time I was half way through the 10th grade I was buying speed by the jug (1000 hits) and dropping acid a couple times a month. I had a car so I could now drive myself and my friends to school and we would always go in late and leave school early. I think if you were there by 10:15 it only counted as a tardy and not an all day abscense.
By the end of that year I had developed quite a reputation as a drug dealer, I had been busted for possession of marijuana and my parents had received numerous truancy fines for me not attending school. Life was good, I was living large and I was in control.I had already gotten to the point of not caring how my actions affected others and it wouldn't be long until the big hammer would drop.
Believe it or not I made it through 10th grade and was even able to pass. We moved into summer and thats when the partying really kicked into gear. I had met another knew friend, a guy that would take me to levels unimaginable in most peoples lives. That summer we dropped acid, learned how to drink grain alcohol and picked up a little book at the local book store called the Satanic Bible.
We were looking for power, power that would let us rule the world. We had know idea yet where it was going to take us, but I'll tell you now, it wasn't like the lyrics in the song said,
Hell ain't a bad place to be...
I had pretty much blown all opportunities at my home school. I was really into smoking pot and hooking out of class. The pot made me lazy and I just wasn't into the learning, I had become a juvenile delinquent, always fighting with my parents and teachers, thinking I knew what was best for myself and getting into trouble with the law was starting to become a habit. It was stupid things like underage drinking and driving violations, but the pattern had begun.
I had decided to attend school at Vo Tech because I heard you could get away with more there. You only had to spend half the time in general education classes and the rest of the time was spent in shop. It sounded like a plan to me, I had also heard that it was easier to score the good drugs there.
I know the last part of that statement was certainly true. By the time I was half way through the 10th grade I was buying speed by the jug (1000 hits) and dropping acid a couple times a month. I had a car so I could now drive myself and my friends to school and we would always go in late and leave school early. I think if you were there by 10:15 it only counted as a tardy and not an all day abscense.
By the end of that year I had developed quite a reputation as a drug dealer, I had been busted for possession of marijuana and my parents had received numerous truancy fines for me not attending school. Life was good, I was living large and I was in control.I had already gotten to the point of not caring how my actions affected others and it wouldn't be long until the big hammer would drop.
Believe it or not I made it through 10th grade and was even able to pass. We moved into summer and thats when the partying really kicked into gear. I had met another knew friend, a guy that would take me to levels unimaginable in most peoples lives. That summer we dropped acid, learned how to drink grain alcohol and picked up a little book at the local book store called the Satanic Bible.
We were looking for power, power that would let us rule the world. We had know idea yet where it was going to take us, but I'll tell you now, it wasn't like the lyrics in the song said,
Hell ain't a bad place to be...
Monday, August 22, 2011
The Early Teens
Every kid looks forward to that magic number 13. It's the first milestone in growing up. At 13 you're a teen, 16 you drive, 18 you can vote and drink in some states. The big 21 gets you into the bar then life is all downhill from there. At least that's how I felt, heck as an older teen I never believed that I would live to see 21 so I thought, we better party hard and who cares what happens.
The 13-15 years we're pretty crazy for me. I hadn't gotten into much legal trouble in those years but boy did I learn how to party. I was working out the drinking thing and I can't really remember but I think I was over the "throwing up phase" every time I drank. I was getting really good at rolling joints and experimenting with pills. Uppers, downers, there was a pill for everything. And then there was the acid. I didn't get into that too heavy until I was about 16, but those days were coming.
I was excited about 16, I wanted to drive. I already had a car but a little run in with the law on my dirt bike held up that process. One day I took the cops on a 5 mile joy ride but they eventually caught me and wrote me up for numerous driving offenses delaying my driving permit for 90 days.
It was all fun and games and I didn't think I was hurting anybody. What I didn't realize was that it was just the beginning of a 10 year stretch of trouble with the law and serious alcoholism and drug addiction that would put a serious dent in my current happiness and future prosperity.
The 13-15 years we're pretty crazy for me. I hadn't gotten into much legal trouble in those years but boy did I learn how to party. I was working out the drinking thing and I can't really remember but I think I was over the "throwing up phase" every time I drank. I was getting really good at rolling joints and experimenting with pills. Uppers, downers, there was a pill for everything. And then there was the acid. I didn't get into that too heavy until I was about 16, but those days were coming.
I was excited about 16, I wanted to drive. I already had a car but a little run in with the law on my dirt bike held up that process. One day I took the cops on a 5 mile joy ride but they eventually caught me and wrote me up for numerous driving offenses delaying my driving permit for 90 days.
It was all fun and games and I didn't think I was hurting anybody. What I didn't realize was that it was just the beginning of a 10 year stretch of trouble with the law and serious alcoholism and drug addiction that would put a serious dent in my current happiness and future prosperity.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Motocross for Christ Camp
Hi all - I just got in last night from the second camp for 2011 and what a great time it was. We spent the last half of the week at the Wicomico Motorsports Park in Southern, MD. Their facility is located on Rte. 234 just a few miles before you reach Budds Creek.
I think there was close to 50 children there plus staff and volunteers and many of the parents hang around also to partake in the activities. Opening ceremonies were Wednesday night then we were up bright and early Thursday morning to kick off the activities. A typical day at camp starts out with morning exercise before breakfast then it's into morning chapel then bike safety and maintenance before they hit the track for morning motocross training.
At noon it's a quick break for lunch then back to the track. Mid afternoon brings creative learning and adult devotions. The rest of the day then gives the kids a free ride period leading into the evening activities which include devotional speakers, camp fires and snacks, candle light services and Friday night always brings a Christian Rock band to camp. Then bed and repeat the next day.
By Saturday everyone is pretty wore out and ready to head for home. Its three days and nights of learning about Jesus, learning how to ride and having a lot of fun.
I'd like to thank Roy and Patti Craig for their vision for camp and the tons of volunteers, trainers and sponsors that make it all happen. Roy and Patti started with just seven kids that first year and in 2011 they held two camps witnessing to a hundred kids and lots of adults all in the name of Christ.
These camps are free to the campers and run on donation and fundraisers alone.Motocross for Christ is a 501 c3 non profit group so they can make all donations completely tax deductible.
If you like motocross and believe in helping others to learn about Christ this camp may be for you. Registrations will be excepted for 2012 camps beginning on January 1st and registrations are excepted on a first come first serve basis. Of course funds are needed to help support those camps. In 2011 they turned away 130 applicants because they lacked the funds to operate more camps. If you can help or no someone who can, please contact Roy or Patti Craig on facebook at Motocross 4 Christ or online at: Motocross For Christ
I think there was close to 50 children there plus staff and volunteers and many of the parents hang around also to partake in the activities. Opening ceremonies were Wednesday night then we were up bright and early Thursday morning to kick off the activities. A typical day at camp starts out with morning exercise before breakfast then it's into morning chapel then bike safety and maintenance before they hit the track for morning motocross training.
At noon it's a quick break for lunch then back to the track. Mid afternoon brings creative learning and adult devotions. The rest of the day then gives the kids a free ride period leading into the evening activities which include devotional speakers, camp fires and snacks, candle light services and Friday night always brings a Christian Rock band to camp. Then bed and repeat the next day.
By Saturday everyone is pretty wore out and ready to head for home. Its three days and nights of learning about Jesus, learning how to ride and having a lot of fun.
I'd like to thank Roy and Patti Craig for their vision for camp and the tons of volunteers, trainers and sponsors that make it all happen. Roy and Patti started with just seven kids that first year and in 2011 they held two camps witnessing to a hundred kids and lots of adults all in the name of Christ.
These camps are free to the campers and run on donation and fundraisers alone.Motocross for Christ is a 501 c3 non profit group so they can make all donations completely tax deductible.
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