The Three Week Blur

I remember years gone by when I was into the party scene that I could forget entire evenings and sometimes weekends depending on the size of the bash and how much hard liquor I would consume. But the the last couple of weeks are almost the same or even more of a blur than those days from long ago.
My bouncing baby G son was born three weeks ago today, matter of fact just a half an hour ago it was official. I taught Aiden how to count to 100 today for his 3 week birthday gift. I know kinda korny, but that's what paps do.
In the last couple of weeks I've traveled by car over 2000 miles, I've had deadlines for two publications, I've changed countless poopy diapers and I am probably sleeping less hours a night than more. Sometimes Jess looks at me and says dad, when did he eat or sleep last? She's been writing most of it down but boy is it easy to forget.
I thought I better get back to my blog and at least talk about something. I can't even image continuing on with the blog book for now. I know it will come back soon but for now we're just living day to day. How do you do it you ask? It only takes one look at the little stinker and the energy comes rushing right back and your ready to go again. At least till the next task is done.
For those of you following along with the story, thanks for your patience. I just ask that you stay tuned in and it's most likely I'll talk about something. TTYL - the pap.

The Re - Hab

Wow, what a year in my life this was. I was 17 years old and found myself in a court appointed drug and alcohol rehabilitation program. I had no idea what to expect and I was a little scared while on my way there. The judge had given me a few days out of lockup released to my parents with their promise that they would deliver me to rehab on time.

I said my goodbyes to my friends and went and bought some new cool T shirts to wear while there. The first thing they did when I got there was to go through my stuff and they took every one of those brand new t shirts I had bought to impress my new roomies. I protested but they said that it would remind me of my old life and that I had to forget everybody and everything that I knew if I was going to get clean. Well already I didn’t like the sound of this and I began my stay with the attitude that these people were crazy and had no idea what they were talking about.

It would be a year of group meetings with my peers and counselors three and four times every day. These meetings would last two to three hours each and they were designed to break you down and help you realize the real meanings behind your addictions. According to the experts we all have some deep dark reason why we began our abuses. It could never be because you just liked to get high and one thing led to another. There was always some terrible thing that had to have happened in your past for you to start down this path. Maybe you were sexually abused as a child, or perhaps physically. Maybe you were always picked on or beat up as a kid at school. Maybe you’re just a loser and your brain is all messed up. Maybe it was because your dad put a gun to your head when you were 11, who knows.

It was definitely not a building up period but a tearing down, kids in your face and adults in your face, and this was supposed to help me quit using drugs. All it managed to do in my case and in many of the kids I talked to there was to learn how to work the system, tell them what they wanted to hear so you could get the heck outta there. It was mind games at its best and the house ruled the roost. Here you were locked up with 30 other people between the ages of 16 and 25 and the group was your judge, jury and executioner.

You see when it was your turn to be counseled by the group, look out. We all would get hammered at some point and all you wanted to do when it wasn’t your turn was, hammer back. You have all these criminals locked up for various reasons with an almost free reign to mess with you during group to find out which one of your relatives made you have sex with them when you were 8 thus causing your drug use. It was a circus and I don’t think anybody got cured. Keep in mind this was many years ago and I’m not sure if current programs work on the same premise or not. I sure know it didn’t work for me.

They were right about a couple of things though and to their credit I did not listen. If you are using or abusing drugs your life will definitely get worse the longer you continue the use and if you want to get clean you need to remove every aspect of your old life to begin a new life, sometimes even parents and girlfriends need to go. The one thing they didn’t introduce was the saving power of Jesus which is a vital part of the solution but I imagine there is some law that says they can’t do that. Forbid entering God into the picture, it might anger some atheist three states away (but again that’s a story for another day).

I do know I spent a little over a year there and went through the program twice and I was using again before I ever got my official release. But they were right after all; life did continue to get worse because I just wouldn’t give up the buzz.

Back to the Book

I apologize to all my faithful blog readers. I have not made a regular post lately due to the awesome arrival of our new Grandson Aiden. He is a cool little dude but he has definitely topped the list of priorities around the household. His mommy is doing a great job but as any single parent knows, it’s more than a full time job. So Deb and I have been helping out with taking care of the little squirt, in between feedings, cleanings, sleepings and working there is not much spare time left to write. Never fear, it’s all good. We love junior and his mommy so it’s rock on and get er done time and we’ll fit everything else in when we can.

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A Week With The Kid

My new little buddy Aiden is now a week old. Actually it was official yesterday and tomorrow he'll be home for a week. What a change around here, we've talked about it for the last 6 months. About how it was going to change all our lives and now the reality is finally beginning to set in.
Most of the time he is a very good little dude. As I am typing he is beginning to squawk. Boy can the kid squawk,turn it on, turn it off. But overall he is a great little baby. The sounding off at two in the morning is definitely a new sound in our household but it really doesn't bother you that much. After all you know its just another Bull kid learning the ropes. How can that be bad.
Anyhow, I gave Jess the new Mom of the week award today. She is doing so well, especially for her age. I can picture many young girls her age struggling tremendously with the task at hand. She's had a few brief moments but all in all she has adapted very well and I expect her to be the new Mom of the month before long.
So we have the smelly diapers, the crying in the middle of the night. The constant struggle to try and figure out what he needs now and the new lack of sleep. Life couldn't be any better if you ask me. Props to Aiden and Jess and oh yes, Grammy Deb too. Who do you think gets the kid fired up most of the time? As soon as he's content, she wants to play. Thank God for Grammy, she is the rock that makes the whole family rock.

Now What

I remember spending those first two weeks locked up in isolation trying to put all the pieces together from that dreadful night on the town. Things were very sketchy and I knew that I had done it good this time. At one point I even found myself turning to God in the hopes that things would be ok. Isn’t it funny how we do that? Especially when we call ourselves non believers in God while out in public yet behind closed doors as soon as something doesn’t go our way, we find ourselves praying to him to save us.

It’s also funny how so many non Christians will call a person who proclaims themselves a Christian a hypocrite as soon as we let a cuss word fly, or do something not Bible worthy. I mean out on the street I would brag about being a General in Satan’s Army and the minute I got caught, I was praying to God to help me. I would say that would be a better definition of a hypocrite. But anyhow that’s a story for another day.

After the first couple of weeks they moved me to Juvenile Detention awaiting a trial date. It took around four months till we finally got through the whole process and sentenced. I remember being scared to death while I was in jail, however it didn’t take long once they moved me to the general population over in Juvee Hall that I would start to quickly forget the severity of my charges.

Matter of fact in there I was at the top of the food chain. It’s rare that anyone comes through that system with the types of charges I was facing and I even knew a few of the kids there. That’s another thing I’ve found while doing time in different institutions. It starts to become a way of life for people. I couldn’t tell you how many guys I knew that found themselves in trouble just days before their scheduled release and bam, they get more time tacked on. Then the other scenario is they get out and don’t know how to support themselves on the streets so they get busted just to have a place to live. It is a true shame and certainly not the right road for anyone to travel.

While in detention I pushed the limits. I went from being scared and concerned about the crimes I committed right back to the idiot I was while on the streets. I had my then girlfriend bake pot brownies for me and bring them in at a visitation. I would have my friends come by late at night and blow pot smoke through the screen in my window to get high. I was even plotting an escape with another kid who was there on burglary charges. Before we could make an attempt I would get sentenced and be on my way to a court appointed drug and alcohol rehabilitation center a county away.

To this day it still seems like a dream. I was so wasted that night that I didn’t remember a lot of the facts. I had no idea that we had actually shot a person. We were shooting at headlights and we took off. The car we did shoot at while moving turned and drove in the other direction so I figured they were ok. In my trial there was a judge, a prosecutor, several police officers that testified against me and the reports from the tests they ran on the shell casings in my car that matched the bullet that struck the man in the chest. Till this day I have never met any of the victims and I don’t have a clue how I may have affected their lives.

I had been the lucky one I guess. No one died thankfully and I was under age and was able to convince them that I would get cleaned up and change my ways if they gave me the opportunity. So off I went, I said good bye to my family as they dropped me off at the center. I believe they gave me a few days to gather the belongings I needed for the year long stay in the program. The games were about to begin as I embarked on this new learning opportunity, not to get clean, but to learn how to better work the system. It would be a year of ups and downs but certainly not a year for getting better.

Waking Up With A New Baby In The House

Like, every couple hours or so, ha ha. Last night was the first night for me with my new grandson in the house. Deb stayed at the hospital with Jess and Aiden the entire time they were there. I would visit for a few hours at a time in between my work schedule. They came home on Saturday as I headed off to upstate PA to cover an event for work, I returned home late last night to the joy of our new baby boy.
The girls are both troopers and were up with Aiden whenever necessary. He does seem to be a very content kiddo but boy can he scream when he wants to. The girls told me to stay in bed and that they would handle everything. You can't help but hear him though when he gets to squawking. To me it seemed like he was up most of the night but the girls informed me that he did real well and actually slept from 1 to 4. I could tell they were both pretty worn out so pap's on duty now. They are both in bed sleeping and so is my grand baby boy Aiden, for now.
He is a beautiful boy and I look forward to the joy that he will bring our family in the coming years. Jess has gone in to mom mode and Deb has definitely gone into Grammy mode. The only thing we need now is for our son to come back home from the Marine Corp and the family will be complete once again.
Thank you God for this beautiful bundle of joy and we pray that we can all grow old together. Matter of fact, Deb and I are looking forward to the day the we can be called great grammy and pap.